All posts by Dee Leyba

My name is Sue, how do you do?

My mother drove me crazy, but she always made me smile. 

My mother made me laugh so hard I couldn’t breathe, and I actually accidentally peed.

My mother loved “Led Robster,” and made the best “flied lice.”

Anyone, who is anyone funded her Bingo Bankroll with the purchase of an “eck loll.”

She cussed like a sailor. Well, maybe like a frustrated pirate of sorts. 

My favorites were “focking-head” and “sar-bitch!” (I never knew if that was supposed to be “sorry bitch” or “sonofabitch.”)

No matter, they still caused a lot of giggles and snorts.

She couldn’t watch WWE or football without screaming at the tv. Which, seriously speaking now, I wonder how she would be today? You know, if she turned on the news and listened to what POTUS had to say.

My mother came to the United States, and spoke very little English. She tried very hard. She worked very hard. 

She worked very hard to be able to say: “against all enemies foreign and domestic” (you small-handed prick.)

My mother came to the United States from Thailand. She died an American Citizen. I miss her very much. She was very social, she loved people, and thought most of my friends had learning disabilities or were deaf. 

She would tell them, “Every time I ‘spuh-eek’ you look at my daughter. What’s wrong with you?”

She would tell me:



Just be a good person. 

Tater Salad

Originally written May 29th 2013 probably because I couldn’t sleep, and Tayler was the last one I was thinking about at the time.


I love you, Tater Salad. Shall I count t ways? Just a few? Okay. (0:

I love your little freckles on your face. Every summer I watched new ones grow and now can say, “I told you so.”

I love your ears that you tried to hide, but now you wear messy buns and show them with pride. 

I love how I can open my mouth and no sound comes out, but we all hear the words, at The Littles, you shout.

I love how you think you can watch scary movies but watch through your fingers and mutter obscenities.

I love how in one breath you say what a jerk he can be, but write in your essays “I love Michael Lee.”

I remember fondly The Science Experiment. The one you placed second at school and third at the science fair…and really I just tricked you into combing your hair.

I love how you believe in German Cows. It’s red ones not white ones. Poppy and his onions…

I love how your face lights up when people say you look like me, act like me, or call you “Little Dee” but really sweetie you are so much more, you’ll see.

I love that you understand me, when even I don’t, or other people won’t.

I love that you are so clumsy. Walls jump out to bite you, sidewalks grab your feet and you even manage to bite your face when you eat.

I could go on forever, but the truth is I’ve run out of ways to be clever. 

Mommy loves you, for you, and all you do.

A Tale of a Tail

Tayler with her tail caught in the spokes of her bike. She dragged the bike like this for ONE BLOCK.

It was a beautiful day, one like no other. This unicorn went out to play, unbeknownst to her mother.

If you’ve ever seen Legend then you already know, unicorns are in danger from evil goblins or trolls. 

Feeling adventurous she went on a journey, that ended up being…oh SO funny. 

This little unicorn didn’t fall from a poisonous dart, oh no…t’was nothing so sinister or dark. 

I think it was the handlebar ribbons, that made her give in, so she took off on her bike – oh my gosh what a sight.

All good things come to an end, what a said looking little unicorn friend. 

Try as she might, she couldn’t hide out of sight, her tail in the spokes as she dragged her bike.

Hearing strange sounds coming from down the street, her mother had to go on the porch to take a peek. 

What she heard was the rythmic scraping of metal as it’s dragged a few seconds, and then stifled sniffles.

Knowing her story was never believable, Mommy grabbed her camera – her attempts to hide it were feeble. 😏

Mom took some pics and the unicorn protested, but her escape was a little complicated.

Eventually she was able to free her tail from the horrible bike with the enticing streamers. Tayler wore that costume until it was too small. She gave it to a thrift store instead of her sister, because she couldn’t bear to see someone else to wear it.

Since I’m not a poet, the rest of my tale is:

I asked Tayler, “why didn’t you call for mommy to help you?”

She said, studying the picture, “Why didn’t I just take the suit OFF?!”

Great question. That’s how I know you don’t need “mommy” anymore, you thought of a solution I didn’t. 😊 That’s how it works.

Tayler is currently continuing her “therapy” from childhood adventures like these, at MCRD – Parris Island.

Spiders, Flip Flops, & Fortitude

  

These guys love the laundry room in the summer. Actually, the bathroom in general. These playful creatures often like to engage in games like: Hide-n-Seek, Tag, and my personal favorite…PEEK-A-BOO!  

They’re also little perverts. I’ve caught these “Peeping Toms” in the bathtub many times. Their favorite is to wait until you’ve closed your eyes as you rinse shampoo from your hair, sneak out into plain sight, and wait for you to open your eyes. Again with the games…SURPRISE! There was one I named Andre (the giant) was so good at this game I think I looked like the chick from the movie Fargo when she takes out the shower curtain trying to flee for her life.

The reason for this story is that my daughter, Tayler, was so fortunate to have met Andre (or his bigger brother) also while showering. She screamed for me to come play too.

T: “MOM!! Get it!” (Andre – the size of a fifth cent piece-is on the ceiling right above the shower head…Tayler in the far corner.)

Me: 😱 “Eff. No.”

T: (strangled whisper) “Mom…please…”
So I try to swat Andre with my flip flop, but I’m short – so I just kind of brushed him off the ceiling.

T: “OH MY GOD MOM!!”

Me: “OH MY GOD TAYLER!! I’m so sorry! Use the water to get him down the drain!”

I hear sniffles.

Me: “Are you freaking CRYING?!”

T: “Yes…but it’s not in here with me.”

So now we’re playing Hide-n-Seek. I see Andre, on the shower curtain in front of my face. I don’t scream because…well, what if Andre jumps in my mouth? Fear makes people irrational. Don’t judge.

As I scrambled back in horror, Andre tried to play Tag. Once I saw he missed and landed on the floor, I felt it was safe to scream.

The bathroom door bursts open and Tookie quickly assessed the situation, “tagged” Andre and then tossed him in the toilet and walked out.

Tookie saved us, and Tayler finished her shower.

Tayler is currently in therapy at MCRD Parris Island, overcoming fear.